Hey, you guys? Is anybody else having problems with Lane Bryant lately? I feel like their quality of product and customer service has really gone down lately…and I hate to use the Internet to shame a company, but Jesus! Check this out.

The second to last time I made a Lane Bryant purchase, about a year ago, I made the purchase online. The item didn't work out, so they said over the phone that I could take it into a local store for return. So I did, and the local store rep said that because I had made the purchase using PayPal as the currency type, the return would be made via PayPal. No problem. Totally understandable.

SIX MONTHS LATER, I was still stuck in some weird Lane Bryant customer service/PayPal reimbursement cycle from hell. And that's when I decided to only do my Lane Bryant interactions in the store with items that were in the store.

Flash forward to last Saturday, when I drove 15 miles to go to the now-closest store (since they had closed the store that was 3 miles from me) and bought totally innocuous items. Panties and tights. What could possibly go wrong?

I should have treated it as Red Flag #1 when I went to the tights display and all of the sizes were facing the back. meaning that you had to flip the each pair of tights around in order to see what size they were. This times, like, 250. Super obnoxious!

But I failed to heed that warning, and found a pair of tights that I thought were plain because (Red Flag #2) the pattern wasn't stretched enough across the cardboard insert, and there was only an item code on the label, not a human-friendly description.

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Took the tights home and put them on over one foot and was like, oh great, houndstooth pattern, WTF. Put them back in the drawer since they wouldn't go with the patterned skirt I had to be wearing somewhere in half an hour, and I put on an old ratty pair with a blown out crotch and bunch of pills where my shoe buckles had chewed them. Grr.

So TODAY, I decide to wear them under a pair of pants, and I put both legs on, and this is what I see:

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WHAT THE HELL is going on over there, Lane Bryant?

So I called the store where I bought them and was like, "so...I bought these tights, and I thought they were plain but not only are they not plain, they have two different patterns on their legs," and the clerk was like, "uh huh, right," like this was a thing that they were accustomed to and gave -12 fucks about. This was the same attitude they'd copped when I tried to deal with them both in person and over the phone about the PayPal debacle a year ago.

Anyway, TL;DR: Double - nay, triple check - your Lane Bryant purchases. Don't even leave the store until you know you have exactly what you want. Unless you want to waste anywhere from 30 minutes to 6 months of your life rectifying the situation. And keep your receipt, friend!